Takes it toll

I’ve got a child with my abuser; has meant he can carry on and it’s had damaging emotional effects on my child. I feel so let down by services, like there’s little to no help available, that we have had to endure it because it’s not severe enough for safeguarding. I’m tired of fighting him through the correct chanels, dealing with it, dealing with challenging behaviour from my child in the home – I feel so upset this has only continued to impact on her as while she is in a relationship with him it will hey and there’s nothing I can do but support her and try to help her through it, leaves me so worn out as well though. It really shouldn’t be such a battle to protect your child and her mental health when we know how vital this is for future health and well-being now.

Tired of living at my parents house and the dysfunctional environment this is and not having a place to call home. I’m trying to build a new home but have lost energry for this and have run out of funds, it’s so hard to make this happen on my own.

I know I have emotional support if I need it, but it’s practical help getting our new place ready I need. So far I have only had this kind of help when I have paid for it but have nothing left now. Need to get back into work and start earning money again as I am flat broke and trying to manage debt, debt accrued while trying to get us a home to start again. I can’t return to my old job and will need to make money another way due to my health – another hurdle – more energy needed.

Like many I lost it all, home, job, independence so I’m trying to start again – while he continues to cause us difficulties and attack the mother I am. I’ve been a single parent before but when that ended we never saw him again, was so much easier this way, being a singe parent is hard enough but when he’s trying to take you down and his behaviour effects your child it feels like the impossible job at times.

I do not understand at all how these men can get away this behaviour but they do. I’m about to report him but feel I already know they wont be able to do anything. Going to try anyway so at least I know one way or the other because a person should not be able to have this much control over another and cause so much distress and hardship hey – and carry on behaving the same way.

It either sinks us or makes us stronger but it sinks us all the same along the way at times. Feels like I’m on the edge of burn out again, wanting to let it all go. Feeling trapped and stuck with it because this is how it is. Just want to step away from it all now and have a normal life after a decade of dealing with him, it’s too much for one person and I know I’m not alone, there are thousands of stories just like ours. Getting there is so hard to reach. If I wasn’t a mum I would have given up by now but then if I wasn’t a mum I could have walked away freely x