no im there to fix me to stop me falling into the same pattern as before. I originally went for trauma from my abusive exes turns out i was well over them and the reason i was still suffering so many set backs was because of my own behaviours (basically i am a pushover, people pleaser, struggle with assertiveness etc etc) and due to the issues inbeded in me from a child.

i’m unsure what to make out of what she said it seems logical but then again i had a narc mum but i don’t behave the same way my mother did toward me toward my kids infact i’m the opposite. I promote the kids to be independent and over praise them for each tiny act they do. Im not a pushy parent mine aren’t top of the class and that doesn’t bother me i encourage them with the gifts they have been given maths and english will catch up when they are ready.

so therefore iv changed the patterns alone or am i just projecting the upbringing i would of liked onto my children? i don’t know.

If you look at it one way my love and feelings for my children have overridden what i was taught growing up. She didn’t take his side she just said he had an extremely strange chaotic upbringing and it was sad he couldn’t see it for himself to get the help he needs. She said his father was an extremely poor role model all of my abusers siblings have been involved in horrific abusive incidents growing up! The women have suffered some of the most intense abuse i have ever heard of and all his brothers have been arrested for abusing their partners! my abuser funnily enough was the “nice one” out of them all ha ha ha.

I think it was behaviour learned from his horrible upbringing but it doesn’t take a genius to look at your own life and think
a) i’m missing something in my life (normal relationships)
b) why do all my relationships end with me being arrested?
C) why do i struggle to watch normal couples?
and think my life is wrong i need help! he may be a product of his upbringing but hes not fixing it and thats the wrong part! the fact he doesn’t want to change or go through therapy himself. The fact his life will just be a string of arrests and prison without anyone knowing who he truly is.

I don’t know what to think of it i don’t feel any different towards him what she said made me feel i was the better person and far better than he ever will be x

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