Twisted Sister

sorry i think i misunderstood as your thread title ‘counsellor said he was never abusive’ and many of the things you said pointed toward a lack of understanding of abuse on her part, and yes, whilst protective behaviours are essential to make sure (as far as you can ever) that you are protected from a repeate of it, this has no bearing on him and no need of discussions of him and his childhood, etc.

There are loads of women who had perfectly ‘fine’ or seemingly so, childhoods that get hood=-winked by an abuser.

Thousands get conned daily by con-artists on-line, spammers, door-to-doors sales, dating spammers, etc. Its not all because everyone had abusive childhoods.

They are clever at it, they rely on your giving them sympathy and benefit of the doubt, and play on your kindness, especially if they seem to be suffering, this is someone you love and want to support and see no harm come to and try to help? The fear building can be a very slow insidious thing once some confidence in your own abilities /thinking has been challenged enough.

Im all for learning how to watch for those patterns and traits in another relying on your good will to give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, thats their behaviour.

Can you make someone be abusive? its simply who they are and therefore nothing to do with your behaviour? Or ive got this all wrong. its a bitof a red herring even considering the next step away from the situation, their parents, childhood, etc. thats only the abusers concern surely?

sorry if i’ve gotten your message mixed up.

very tired of hearing about counsellors and how easy it is to interpret what they say as invalidation for whats happened to us as it takes (or can take) such a long time to really feel that validation and deal with the messages the relationship left that it is impressivve indeed that you already did that (from what you’ve said) and moved on. thats something to celebrate! 🙂

go you Bubbles!

warmest wishes KS

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