Tobehappy, thank you for replying. I was living quite independently up until a few years ago. But having children with him like you, gives a slight hold of power on his part still. There has been the typical victim status he casts himself as, but obviously the young children take this on board. This I still find hard to cope with even though, I have accepted that my expectations need to be low of him, I still am battling with this. I don’t think he realises his damaging behaviour towards the children or else he would not behave the way he does.
You mentioned love bombing, I never had that experience either (it kind of makes me feel even more silly and gullible- knowing I never saw a fantastic side to him). Looking back I made some terrible decision thinking it was for the best, but how very wrong I was. So I don’t see myself as a massive victim, because I did have a choice, I choose to put up with an abusive situation as I felt it being a family, even a very abusive and dysfunctional relationship was very wrong. I only realise the damage caused by this now I am out of the relationship. I think we are both doing well, but my philosophy is now…it took over a decade to chip away at my self confidence (which I let happen), so it will take a long time to restore things. Wishing u the best and hoping we can all reach a happier place soon x x

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