Hi Unity, I was the same. Things got worse as I worked less after having children. Although he wasn’t too happy when I was the main earner either. I am still surprised by the things he does and says even if afterwards I look back and it is obvious that he would choose to do and say those things. I don’t think a rational mind can comprehend their behaviour.
I think they are aware aware of their behaviour but simply don’t care as it gets them what they want. If they do have any concerns then they just blame someone else. My ex used to say he could do anything if he could justify it to himself. Little did I know then how much he could justify to himself.
I guess there must have been good times in our relationship but I can’t remember much. I do remember feeling that I had to shut away a lot of my personality from very early on in the relationship. Now I understand why!
I realised it was abuse when I was searching on the internet for a solution to our relationship difficulties. One thing lead to another and the pieces started to fall into place. I have found it a relief in a way as I thought I had turned into a paranoid, depressed person who had no interests, no friends and no future.
It is hard rebuilding but I hang onto the fact that the person I was when I was with him is not the real me. Perhaps people aren’t all talking about me like he said. Just imagine what we can achieve now they are not pulling us back. It will take time but this is my chance to be happy and I am b****y well gonna take it! x

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