Yes this is the hardest part. And one reason why I didn’t leave. We had very good times. One time I was feeling close to leaving we were on a family night out and some were saying how fantastic he was. I looked at them and had to agree because when it was good like that night he was like everything you would want. I actually managed to break through to him about the name calling in the last couple of years. And he stopped( so he is in control) but now he’s minimising it again and saying it’s so unfair I am accusing him of abuse for calling me pathetic. Every couple call each other names once in a while.
The trouble is sometimes they don’t see it and by the time you do there’s so many things to address it feels like you are going to destroy them with the accumulated accusations. So when I try to explain one aspect, he focuses on that one thing and minimises it. Does he deserve to be destroyed as he puts it because I didn’t deal with the issues as they arose?

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