Moon,
I am struggling to navigate this new forum, but just came across your posts, well done for bravely posting, it is do hard to start off I know,
You are very much the survivor, you are surviving each and every day and have been for a while by the sounds of it.
I think because what is going on ,has been going on for a while with bad days, even worse and some not so bad you see it as your normal and have sadly got used to it, even if in part. It is then hard to see it as others do, and it is indeed true that unless you have been in the situations we have it is hard to understand, so I ger that others often don’t and that leads us to feel more alone with it all.
It only takes a push and for you to loss your balance and knock your head, or for too much pressure to be applied to an already weakened spot, so please stay safe there poppet,
Leaving and having peace and safety is out there for you and possible, I have been abuse free now for years and years and to think now back to that day when I left with the clothes on my back, a daughter and a dog and the run up to it, I understand your fears and apprehension,
Whenever, however and until then, we are all on your side
X x x