Hello, I’m a newbie and I feel totally alone and not too sure if I will be told that everything is my fault on this website.
I have been married to my husband for (detail removed by moderator) years but with him (number removed by moderator).  He has 2 adult daughters from his first marriage and we have one daughter aged (detail removed by moderator) together.
We have had our ups and downs throughout the years and I have really struggled with being a step-parent and if ever given the chance again i would run in the opposite direction.
My husband and I have history, I have had counselling with Relate and other independents who advise me that he is verbally abusive and also emotionally blackmailing.
This morning has been awful for me. The cycles of him being ok and then ‘having a wobbly’ as he calls it continue.
Basically, about 4 years ago I was in a low place in our life, I felt completely unloved, uncherished and when I approached my husband for emotional support, like I always thought you had to, it wasn’t there, I got the ‘it’s all in your head’. My husband believes that the holidays we go on and the theatre trips that he organises are demonstrative in his affection towards me as loving and giving. I beg to differ.
During this bad time and my low self-esteem period, I worked closely with a male colleague as I needed to learn more about the job I do, unfortunately, he could see that I was very down on myself and we got close. Not physically close though but we did text. Some of his texts were quite ‘saucy’ however, I usually didn’t respond, or would say that I was a married woman. However, we were friends. You will call it an emotional affair – so I suppose I deserve everything I get.
On holiday in (detail removed by moderator) I received a text from my colleague asking if I was ok, signing it off with kisses. I wasn’t expecting any texts from him to be honest, or had I generated any to expect a response. He was a work colleague and I had ceased private texting him months before then. My husband had got my phone as he was checking football results, so saw the text and i suppose the verbal/emotional abuse started from there onwards till present day.
Husband exposed me to interrogations, usually about 1/2am in the morning, waking me up hurling abuse at me. He had this chap followed, paid £1500 to do so, stalking him, threatening to hurt him, but saying it to me.
Nothing happened with this man and I, not even so much as a kiss, except one at Christmas. I could go on and on.
I had counselling as I thought I have some sort of mental issue and problems and my counsellors all tell me that my husband has the problems as it is in his head.
Now I am being held to task and being threatened by my husband to leave my job or my marriage is over. He said that I am to move out but to leave our daughter with him. He made sure she heard what a disgusting Mother she has this morning, I begged him to leave, but he wants me to go.
You may agree with all of this. i have nobody and don’t deserve anyone, but I just can’t leave my daughter, I love her so much.
He’s trying to drive a wedge between my Mum, Sister and I and he’s already damaged a friendship I had with my daughter’s ex-childminder.
I just wish I could turn the clocks back as I feel so guilty for everything that I have done in the past. I understand now that I should have kept my stupid self esteem issues to myself – heaven knows how much self-loathing I have. I am not important. You don’t have to reply to me, it doesn’t matter.

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