Hi Inneedofsomepeace

I have felt exactly the same confusion you are feeling now but it is absolutely the best outcome you can get. I have read your earlier posts about feeling afraid that he is out there and your worries that he would come after you. You will not live in fear like you are if he is kept on remand and the guilt you feel now will pass because you will get the peace you desperately need and this will enable you to get stronger.

After several bail breaches the police finally caught up with my ex last month and he will stay on remand now until he is sentenced, which is likely to be after Christmas. Initially I felt guilty about this but as time has gone on I have realised that these bail breaches are his own doing. If he had played ball with the police and done what was right i.e. kept to bail conditions, then he wouldn’t be on remand. I have gradually been able to let go of my fears of being outside in the dark in case he popped up and can finally relax in my own home without receiving emails and texts telling me he was outside etc. With him away I have started getting back to normal.

It is because we are empathic and have compassion that we feel guilty in these circumstances. They do not feel guilt for abusing us or breaking restraining orders or bail because they do not know what empathy or compassion is and they never will.

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