I am sorry that you are not feeling great. Are you getting any professional support? From your local women’s aid, freedom programme or counselling. Also you might find reading about abuse is helpful, a few books to start are why does he do that be Lundy Bancroft and living with the dominator by pat craven. Reading helps set things in context and make a bit more sense.

I felt similar to you I was scared of the future and thought I would be alone forever. But I not that bothered about being on my own for awhile now and the future is looking a lot better now I am not anxious and miserable constantly.

I hope you get some support in person as it really helps.
Sending hugs

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