really sad that you are receiving emotional pressure from his mother on top of everything else you have to deal with, and its courageous of you to have got to this point and to post about it!
I’d deal with it all legally, and cut communication with her verbally. Anything written like these threats should be reported, even the verbal threats should be reported too. Maybe you could speak to work about the mess to someone you feel will deal with it responsibly and have your back should there be any backlash?
Better they know up front and will be able to view it in the way it actually is, rather than await possible repercussions. They will appreciate the warning i’m sure, and you will be able to relax, and perhaps found yourself some additional support in the process?
Keep the messages and pass them to police and sounds like its impossible to engage with her, she wants one thing and you are not going to be giving that so no point in going round in circles?
I think the main thing i can see from your situation, is that HE is actually causing the hurt, whereas you are trying to protect, they are very different things, but i know and have felt/do feel the way you do as it does feel like that when everyone tells you that! just try to remember that you wouldn’t have to do anything to protect yourself and your children if he wasn’t the abuser he is? That his mother is protecting her abusive son and not her DIL and her own grandchildren from him??? She does not see what you have been through perhaps, or refuses to, and this is certainly not about her and what losing her son is doing to her, thats not your concern, she needs to see that he is the cause, not you, but its easier to blame you isn’t it.
Muster all the support for yourself you can to keep strong through this very dificult time and just keep reporting everything. Stepping back from them all and leaving them to it will give you headspace. If you have a police officer involved then i would forward all messages to them. Court will view his threats via his mother very dimly! and it will strengthen your case against him.
Hold strong, get your own supports to detach from their c**p! We’re all here for you, keep posting and let us know how you get on. I’m sure you’ll get lots of support here.
warmest wishes KS