mixed-up mum

Hiya Anon123 – nice to meet you – and yes I to am struggling with Xmas – but this is our 2nd Xmas without him and it IS better – it does get better I promise you and it WILL get better for you too.

Our first Xmas on our own was very different – and I think bad memories of Xmas past haunted me – but when you’ve had one out on your own – you have the chance to change things and make it what YOU want it to be!!!

I really was not in a fit state to enjoy Xmas last year – but a year down the line I do feel more positive and though I am still struggling this year – its not near so bad as last year I will say.

For me New Year was the worst – for it brought back the worst memories – he nearly always managed to spoil Christmas for us – but I always really tried my very best to make it as nice as I could for the sake of the bairns – but New Year was ALWAYS really miserable – he would DEMAND we all had a good time and DEMAND we had alcohol and ‘get in the party spirit’ – but I never wanted to – he mad our lives miserable 365 days a year and what was going to be SO different about New Years Day!!!

I actually took to my bed last New Year – I made it through Xmas – and coped with that – but when it came to New Year I just could not face it – all the old bad memories cam flooding back – me mam just could not see how I was still letting him spoil New Year for me, and still letting him control me – even when I was out and free from him – but then me mam didn’t go through what I went through with him – so how COULD she really understand…….

BUT this year I DO hope for better and I HOPE I AM stronger and will lessen the ‘grip’ and ‘power’ those bad memories have over me – so I hope for a happy and peaceful Xmas and New Year – and the same to all of you ladies too.

Good luck and best wishes Anon123 – I hope it will be what YOU want it to be this year. 🙂

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