lover of no contact

Hi Marthamoo,

Abusive relationships are very complex. The dynamics are difficult. We are Trauma- Bonded to the abuser. Its a cycle, ‘nasty/nice’, ‘pretend love/hate’. Leaving is a process. The first step is Awareness, you have that, which is powerful, Awareness is painful (the abuse and what it is doing to ourselves and our loved ones). Leaving is a process, you are on your way. What you are feeling now is a normal part of the process of breaking free.

To hurry up the process and help us move through the process of leaving I find posting on here and reading the posts works. reaching out to Women’s Aid when needed. Reading books by Lundy ‘Why does he do that?’

Just want to add, your post helped me, my daughter is in the cycle of abuse with her dad and her life is being sabotaged (by her own behaviours), she is still in the denial phase, I wish she would move unto the awareness stage, there is little I can do except support her.

Although I broke free from him he is abusing me indirectly by abusing my lovely daughter. It is so painful to watch. But she is the only one who can choose to leave the cycle of abuse. He will never end it (he likes it the way it is with her upset and hurt and her life in a mess because of him), she is the only one who can end the cycle of abuse by leaving the relationship with him.

Have hope, you will get there in your process of leaving your abuser, keep posting.

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