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Hi Marthamoo,

Thank you for your post. I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through because of the abuse from your husband. It sounds like you’re feeling really trapped, which is completely understandable. Whilst many survivors find the ‘trauma bonding’ theory a useful tool to help understand domestic abuse, there is a risk that it can place blame on the survivor and take the focus away from the strength of survivors. It is not you sabotaging your life, or any weakness of your character, it is your husband and his abusive actions, which he is solely responsible for.

There are many valid reasons why women don’t leave abusive relationships, which you may or may not relate to; still loving him, thinking about the children, financial concerns, housing; the list is long. However all of these can be worked through and having specialist support can really help. It might help you to talk more about your individual concerns and barriers either here on the forum or by calling the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

We are all here for you, keep posting.


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