Im so sorry to hear of your loses that’s just awful. None of this is your fault he is just trying to shift and project all his guilt and shame on to you.

My friend died before I met my ex but he would use him in arguments etc and then before I left he would move his photograph around just to annoy me or to gain some communication from me so I had to remove it from the house. He was/is and sounds like yours a massive emotional abuser the pain they cause is just awful. I feel for you greatly so please keep posting lots of love

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