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Hi Timetomoveon,

Firstly I want to say that you are definitely not a fraud! Abuse comes in many forms and what you have described is definitely abuse. This is a common problem with emotional abuse that people often have. It is sometimes difficult to know that emotional abuse is actually happening because perpetrators are so good at convincing us it is our fault. This is part of the abuse.

What you have described is subtle control and manipulation. This is not to say it isn’t a serious abuse but merely that your partner is very clever in how he treats you so that you question yourself and have continued to question yourself for many years. Your partner acts in a way that makes you wonder if you are imagining what is happening. This is exactly what he wants. The fact that you lived apart and felt much happier and were able to come off anti depressants is very telling that he plays a huge part in your feeling low and depression.

Have you ever spoken to a specialised domestic abuse service about this? I think that it would help you to speak to someone directly about this. It could help you to understand a little more about what you are going through.

Well done for coming on here and posting honestly about everything, I know that is a difficult first step. The more you can talk openly about this the more you will be able to see clearly what you are going through and that your partner is to blame and not you.

Best wishes


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