I am so sorry oknow. You have really struggled and are now dealing with the after effects are your bad relationships.
I understand completely how you feel with regard to alienating your family and friends. I had the same. My advice is to take baby steps in working on your relationships with them. It will take time, but eventually you will see them come around.
I can see it from my childrens side as i put my partner before them and even told my son to leave at one point as he didnt get on with him. They lost respect for me as a Mum as i kept taking my ex partner back after saying i wouldnt. It went on and on and eventually i had alienated everyone by choosing his happiness over everyone elses. Its the guilt and constantly having to justify yourself that makes you do these things.
I have got out of that relationship now and focus on my family and relationships with my close friend and found a new friend too. You can do it, hang in there, we are all here to support each other.

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