#6383
Tamra
Participant

Hi
This is hard to stop and in my case I have blocked him and a few others however it doesn’t stop me from asking other people.
Someone on here said to me something like – what the eyes don’t see the heart can’t hurt.
It’s like punishing yourself/our-selfs because it hurts like hell. They leave such a mess behind them and the pain we carry is so heavy we try to ease it but looking just adds to that pain. My punishment was getting with another another women and believe me when I’m not a ‘good girl’ (his words) there was always another and it has be plastered all over FB and he told me well it’s not me doing it and I can’t control what she does – Nice. I told my friend this is my punishment and she said don’t see it as punishment see it as freedom, this wasn’t comfortable for me at first as I knew what it meant but to put a positive stance on his behaviour didn’t seem right however it has help a little.
If you can go cold turkey and try and not look it does get easier and that awful pull to find out stuff will ease. I havnt got there completely yet myself but I can feel it easing. Also I know when I see things it hurts more than asking and people aren’t telling me as much anymore. It’s like being a drug addict, even tho I’m not one, but from reading lots on the net I can see the similarities. ‘No contact’ seems to be the answer as is doesn’t mean just not talking it has bigger meaning loads on the net – in my opinion Melanie Tonia Evans is really good at explaining behaviours of the abuser and victim, how to survive etc. I read her stuff and watch her YouTube videos to get me though the day sometimes. She was abused herself so she knows what she’s talking about.

Big hug and keep posting

Xx

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