lover of no contact

Hi flowersreadytobloom and lotsoflovexxx,

Welcome to the forum. Keep posting your thoughts and feelings on here as you need, and keep reading the other ladies posts, you will receive a lot of strength and hope on your journey to a life lived free from abuse.

I read your post lotsoflovexxx on the other topic, you wondered why other men became annoyed when you stayed calm and didn’t react to the negative things they say to you. Well, you staying calm is you being in control and they (if they are abusers) don’t like that.

The abusers main aim is to hurt us, to make us worried and upset. They like when our lives are unmanageable and when our minds and emotions are in a mess. They like to see us react, be irritable, get angry, be hurt, cry etc. They (warped as it sounds) get a high from our emotions. They laugh to themselves (well mine did) to see us hurt. Yes, just like bullies. Abusers are bullies. They feel more powerful when we are down-trodden and affected by their nastiness.

By you not giving the men who are are being mean to you (with their words) a reaction and you staying calm and letting it go over your head, you are dealing with abusers in the best way. They thrive on our ‘reactions’.

The best way to deal with abusers in our life is:

1) No Contact (google the No Contact Rules ‘ for dealing with n*********s etc

2) minimum contact only (as in cases where there are children), emails only where a third party relays the information to you in their own words, with none of the abuser’s put-downs, threats etc

3)A cool, non-emotional response, one of indifference, business-like response, minimum response only (which you are doing).

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