It is really hard to stay away. Like you I used to do a short time then go back, that pull is so strong there feels like no other way to stop the pain.
You will one day move on and stay that way no matter what the pain feels like. And you will see that he is an adult and can take responsibility for himself. Mine went off with another woman and I felt she will be the last that takes him from me as thee has been so many. She was my punishment for not doing as I was told but my friend said see her as your freedom…

I wish you well and sending you a hug

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