#6528
lotsoflovexxx
Participant

Thank you for your kind words.. iv been involved in two abusive relationships both which wanted babies an the second hurt me most i really confided in him about what happened first time around an he uses that against me all the time and says its me i make men react that way. I question myself all the time an feel i watch how i act all the time if you know what i mean and im quite a shy person always have been the type of person that goes embarrsed to speak up in a social situation an when he has problems with me or other things because of my personality i react very calmly and im not sure why but this seems to anger him more i dont mean to do it, i just dont have the confidence to step up and say my opinion. (Removed by moderator) ago he mentioned about the tv stand on my telly was his which for the first time in our whole relationship i said sorry i think it is mine as when you left me that evening you took the telly we had and obv the stand was acrewed on to the bottom, he said i was thick and i knew nothing he mentioned that im stupid because he used to tell me things that werent real an id believe him and i knew nothing. So i backed down came up with a solution and said okay ill check for you later ill get the telly off the unit and see what the stand says on it. He replied he didnt care what it had wrote on it it was still his. So i said ok well ill check for you. He wasnt happy with this and carried on insulting me as he usually does i said also for the first time in our relationship why would you want to call me hurtful things when i love you. I took 5 mins to myself an he was calling me over an over so i answered his called he said you little rat youve ruined my life. Anyway since then he had contact with his baby but he brought her back early an left her outside my door in her carseat an rang my doorbell over an over, whem i came to the door he ran back from his car an said i dont want nothing to do with this baby an ran back off. I havent heard from him since. But what is really on my mind. Is there something about my personality which i must change because why have i been in two abusive relationships. The first abusive relationshio drove me really ill i had anxiety an had to leave work for a while.i also went to counciling for bulimia and i began to understand that through controlling my eating i felt in control of what was happening in my life because i felt trapped.. i got over this returned to work..obv my ex because of my eldest daughter still tryed to abuse me but it got very nasty and he threatend knives strangled me to the point i lost consiousness.the first abuser got a non molestation order and social services were involved in my life because of the potential.danger. the first abuser breached the order 3 times! But i feel i got over that time in my life. The one im struggling to come.to twrms with and get over is my second partner which i talked about at the begining i felt more hurt over this because i feel he uses my past against me to.prove that i must be a woman who deserves this abuse. Any help would be really appriaciated even if its someone in same situation now xxxx thankyou x*x

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