One thing I have learnt is our ex’s are adults and they have to take responsibility for their own actions and in the world of therapy their problem is their attachment styles among other stuff. I’m guessing you ex will have an insecure ambivalent attachment as mine has, it’s a very much a push me pull me way of living. Not sure why he hits you and not the others but it’s all to do with trauma when younger however this is not an excuse for their behaviour.
I was told a while ago that I am actually undermining his feelings by trying rescue him as he’s not finding his own way to heal his inner wounds. I stopped rescuing him which was so hard to do and it pushed him further towards another women which demonstrated to me that he couldn’t heal himself he needs someone else to do it for him, which will never happen. It is very hard to do and for some can be dangerous so if you practice this please please make sure you are safe as you don’t always know how they will react. It hurts me like hell to lose him but in the long term I know this will set me free from the control I have lived with for so long. Also it’s a good thing for my children too. They are not his but he has been around since they are both little and the impact on them has been awful and now we have left both of them are already more relaxed.
My pain however is going to be more difficult but I will get there as you will to. He and them are very much In my head as yours is but I believe on working on my feelings too a but like a bridge to join me up as a whole person and heal my own inner wounds, which is why I read and watch Melanie’s YouTube videos on line.
Lots of love and stay strong

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