Glad you feel relief I dont feel that yet but if they finish I may do then but I have a feeling they wont and very soon he will ask her to marry him. He said to me if I was a ‘good girl’ for 6 months he would ask me but of course I never made it to 6 months however he did say on lots of occasions that he would find someone else and show me what a ‘real’ relationship should be like. Also during the split he said on a few times what do you want to get married? – like a girl wants to be asked like that. I had a few options – go to court, sort things out to avoid court, get married or have 4 children. also when I asked how would I know you wouldnt do this again he said because ‘Im nearly (age removed by Moderator)‘ my thoughts where oh not because you love me them, god it makes me laugh sometimes.

I have read loads of stuff almost hooked hahahahaha, I like the stuff Melanie Toina Evans writes about as its a lot to do with the understanding and then how we can heal. I think at the moment I still like to understand the meaning behind manipulation though as maybe it gives me some kind of justification. Like you I also think its helps needing people who actually understand what we are going though as in the outside world people ‘just’ want me to get on with life and be happy – like that is going to happen after years and years of this abuse.
When I read some stuff on the mask slipping It hit me like a bolt and this was shown in the first few months our us being together – he said that he had to have sex with his wife, yes we were having an affair and I kick myself even today for doing that and even though I would love to say he hooked me in was I was valuable even though true its still an excuse. After about 6 months and he left his wife by then the mask fell off I think and he was terrible after that making me beg for forgiveness, making me wait till he was ready, put his hand in my face when I was crying and saying sorry and he would say ‘Im not ready’, make me beg on the phone, he would go off to his own house and let me beg or chase him oh my god as I write this I can feel the agony.

I dont know if his mask has fallen off with the new woman yet however when they were first together we did have lots of sex and still living together, I remember after they had been on holiday (nice) we had sex and just before he had a message from her and in the beginning it had the word ‘sorry’ so I said to him this might change whats about to happen …. has just messaged you and he said oh well and carried on with me, again nice!!!!
He also said that they sort their arguments out like adults not like we do and my gut feeling was you mean she goes along with what you say! then it crossed my mind that for them to have disagreements so early on it cant be that great for her. this is where I struggle as I feel that this is fantasy stuff just to make me feel better and they will be ok really or will she hit the hard rock like I did. Its hard to know because me and her are different people.

Oh goodness sorry I have ranted on Im not having a very good day today so Im off loads all over the place


© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content