Dear Tamra,
I can understand how you feel about missing your ex. It is very hard and confusing. One the one hand we miss them, as we think about the few good moments. They seem to stay in our memories somehow and the bad memories seem to disappear?!. Then when they manage to manipulate us into having them back, we are instantly reminded of the reason we didn’t work in the first place.
I put it done to unconditional love. That we love the person and will tolerate just about anything they dish out. I know I did.
My ex always had an answer when I said I loved him… He would say.. Do you?? and it was something he used to get me to try and prove that I did and it meant me doing everything and anything to show him.
I know what its like having to think of him with other woman. It makes a mockery of what they claimed they felt for us. I do believe now today, that my ex has never loved me, as no man who truly loves a woman unconditionally would ever treat her this way at all!.
I think we hold on to their love as we are conditioned as Falling Skies mentioned. We get told no one will love us as much as they do, we believe everything they say that is belittling to our characters and in the end, we think less of ourselves as people. This reduces our self worth and we believe we don’t deserve love or are lucky to have them to “love” us.
I have found that since I am now free of him, I am not used to having my own life and free to make my own decisions and it has been hard to change to a new way of thinking. I have ended up on anti depressants, not wanting to live and lost my zest for life. I feel like a failure in every way.
But, I have had lots of time to think over the last few weeks and I am about to get back up, dust myself off and start 2016 as a new book in my life. I am going to make positive steps in all areas of my life. I am going to take my control back and build on my own happiness. So I am studying a new course, got a new dog (she loves me no matter what) and going to make a few new friends (I wasn’t allowed any before). I have moved around the furniture and giving the house a spring clean 🙂
I am ruling off the last chapter and book in my life and starting a whole new book, with new plans, traditions and experiences. It is giving me something to look forward too.

Here is a virtual hug for you. Thinking of you right now. Hang in there Tamra. Everything is going to be alright.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content