Main Moderator

Hi Starlight,

I just wanted to show you some support. Sadly in your first post you have cited the very nature of the cycle of abuse- abuse, apology, abuse… Only you can break the cycle and that is by having no contact. If he phones you from a number that isn’t blocked then you could not answer it. If it from someone else and an important call, they will leave a message. You can tell him you will no longer be reading his letters. When they arrive then you can put them on your fire or shred them as soon as you receive one or if you wish to know the contents then I know some ladies here give them to a friend to read first and that friend can relay any tiny crumbs of important information that there may be hidden in beneath the abuse. If in error you answer the phone and it is him, a simple, ‘I am not prepared to speak to you, if you wish to contact me please speak to a solicitor’ is all you need to say before hanging up the phone. Proper no contact is hard, but it is effective and will allow you to regain control of your life.

You are a lovely person and he is an abuser. You have done nothing wrong and you and your children deserve to live in a life free from abuse and I know you will. Get plenty of help and support from here, the helpline and your local Women’s Aid group. The freedom program could also be really helpful to you.

Have a very happy and abuse free 2016!

Best wishes,


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