Its funny White Rose As my ex actually wanted me to commit a crime but only a small one to show that I loved him – a friend of ours split from his wife and she did some awful things – burn an outer building of theirs among other things and the one my ex homed in on was she scratched a part of his car with the word h..e and he said to me why arent you doing stuff like that? Yes im angry and hurt by what he has done but Im not going to be a vandal, mind you he would have probably used it against me. He did weird stuff to me and still cant work out why, he would go though my underwear, sit in my bed when I wasnt there or in my chair in my bedroom, burst into my room and have a mood, them come in a climb in my bed with me in it and say he just wanted a hug, tell me it would be shame if we ended, then flip and tell me I was a freeloader in so many words, then suicidal threats, tell me his girlfriends pet had died and that I would understand being the person I am etc. I couldn’t work out what he wanted but he was the one that went off,

hummmmmmm number 1 is very appealing hahahahahaha

Its amazing how they can be similar but I guess they work the same ways, may be they go to a school to learn how not to treat people. He wasnt like this with just me (even though I got it to it full extent) he was like it with his friends but not our female ones, well not to their faces anyway may be in case they were potential victims, with his friends he would be stroppy or come home to me and say they bullied him and said things like ‘you thrown your toys out the pram’ and I would give him sympathy but i would think well you do….

I wonder if they will ever be happy, to be honest him finding happiness would be my worst nightmare right now as I will feel all I did would never have been good enough and believe me I did loads from being a lover, girlfriend, housewife, mother and step-mother, laborer, gardener, servant, sex goddess, nurse and support worker (for him) oh my god you name it I was it and nothing was good enough, he said jump and i said how high.

When I told my friend I was missing him and felt emotional she said ‘do you think you think to much’ correct me if im wrong but emotions are feelings not thoughts, its all in my gut where I feel this not in my head.

Starlight the loneliness is just horrible thats when I think its a shame we cant just pop round to see each other or go for a walk or coffee but I am very thankful we have this forum

Thank you ladies for your support today

lots of love and hugs xx

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