Hi Marthamoo,

Sex is a really complicated subject because it can been used to show ‘love’ or ‘power/control’ game.

I can only explain from my experience as I think the feelings and thoughts around ones own is very personal and sometimes hard to grasp how others feel.

When my ex and I were first together sex was passionate and sometimes wild. it became very apparent that he was/is obsessed with sex and I believe he mixes sex up with love and hate. As time went on I would like you be going though the motions and I would cry how could I be turned on but be so upset at the same time? I guess knowing you want/love them but at the same time knowing in your gut this isnt right.

I feel for you going to bed at night not knowing where you would be attacked verbally or physically if you didnt ‘perform’. I wouldnt be kicked out of bed but he would sulk or walk out of the room himself. At one point I felt almost raped by him just to keep him happy. We had a very active sex life right up until the end of our relationship but sometimes I used it to gain some control over him to show him I loved him and didnt want to lose him to the other women but that was bruised ego. So like you again I would cry. However I now believe the crying is of sadness, fear, dis-bear etc. but it shows them (him) power as he was so insecure.

It is normal so dont worry about that but think about how you feel and what its doing to/for you, mixed up love and hate may be?

Dont worry about what ever you need to post most of us have experienced very similar stuff so we kinda understand where each other are coming from. You are very brave to talk about this topic and i’m glad you found the courage too.

I hope I have answered in the way that has helped.

Big hug

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