Hi Marthamoo

It’s completely normal. My husband also used sex as a control – in my case a little different – I’ve always had a high sex drive so his was to severely restrict sex in our relationship. And outside of the sex he would treat me like he hates me and then when I started to withdraw from him he’d turn on the love and charm. It completely messed with my sexual identity, so now I get really turned on by the though of having sex with men who hate me and who deny my needs – the more I distance myself emotionally from him, the less this appeals. So yes, I think our biological need for sex does not alwsys cooperate with how we feel emotionally. When we initially split, I felt physically sick whenever I thought or dreamed of sex – was actually physically sick on a few occasions. I’m only sharing this because I’m anonymous on here. I’m really embarrassed about all of it.

I think a lot of us on here have issues around sex – afterall we’ve been abused by the men we let into our beds. It’s a normal expectation for the person we are intimate with to treat us nicely, and they didn’t meet that. I think it’s an important thing to talk about, and thank you for helping me to see I’m not the only one.


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