Hi Marthmoo,

I also read post you out on another thread. To be honest Im not surprised your son is acting the way he does when his father has said such awful things to him – like leaving home and then he will have you all to his self, and he had you first – what a ……………………………
Your son will know deep down that you care but if you can I would try and reassure him, he may resist at first but you can show him in many ways, I bet hes feeling fear that you will leave him or push him out like his father is telling him.

I believe these men are different with female or male children depending on which way they go – they girls made to feel like princesses and be what daddy wants, turning them into slaves or make the boys into nasty abusers and show them how to treat women or how women should be treated, in their world of course or they feel threatened by either sex and do what they need to feel safe for themselves. Its a mind field and very complicated.

My daughter was treated differently to my son, they werent my ex’s though, he didnt like my son one bit and was very jealous of him so my son just stayed in his room and didnt integrate with us, to be honest I did tread on eggshells and goaded my children to stay in their rooms, I did it in a way so it was fun but clearly it wasnt is was just so my ex would have my undivided attention. I feel now that I have lost out on their younger years but Im making up for it now, my son will sit with me and watch TV now and chats to me and hugs me. He even comforts me when Im upset too. Both my children hate my ex and do get very angry about him, I let them vent so it releases any angry emotions to free them from pain.

The two things that stick in my mind was when my son was under the age of 10 he said to me ‘why does …… look at me funny?’ I brushed this off and said no he doesnt , this showed me I wasnt listening to him and the other was when he was older he said ‘Why do I have to talk to ……. first how come he never says hi or anything first?’ I told him because he (my son) is a nice, caring, respectful boy, that should me that my ex isnt a nice person as he believes everybody should respect him respect is learnt not just given, so I these men dont show it how do they younger people learn about respect, its a two way street.

Now if I had my time again and knew then what I know now, I would have shown my kids they were more important to me than him and left and never gone back. But i didnt and I went back for more.

Sorry I went on a bit hope i didnt miss to much of your needs. Show your son you love him that the best advice i can give you but it wont happen over night so stick with it a little bit at a time. never say and im sure you dont, ‘your just like your father’.

Big hugs because I sense this is a tough time for you xx

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content