Hi Martha Moo,

You aren’t alone. I normally enjoy the intimacy of a physical relationship, but in the end, it was a confusing act for me. I wanted the intimacy, maybe O even thought the act of sex would bring us closer, and that being intimate with me might make him more aware of me as a separate and valuable person.

For a long time, I believed I still loved him, and I craved sexual intimacy asa chance to try to move him in some way, to awaken his softer side or awareness of me as an individual with my own passions.

But as soon as the act was over, and in fact even during those intimate times, I felt very confused and unhappy. I didn’t feel a good connection, I felt I was being used as an object, and yet I was yearning for a better connection.

A lot of couples with difficult marriages- relationships might sleep apart for a period before a split, but my ex demanded intimacy until he left. When he left, he said he knew he was going to leave for some months. When I asked him
why he had continued to be intimate with me and not told me, that I felt violated, he laughed. That made me feel even more worthless and violated.

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