Hi MMM
Sorry to hear the difficulties with you and your son xx
The positive is that you have realised it, mine was an adult before I did. Its hard to hear the words their fathers use coming out of their mouths and actions.
It you can distance him for his father that’s the best way (sorry I don’t know if you are still with him)
All I have done is try and stay calm and tell him his actions are unacceptable, he is finding hard because up to recently abusing me was the chief family entertainment. Also as some wrote on one of my posts its easier to side with the bully.
I know that were I live there is Sure Start which runs groups to help you with childrens issues, I know a few people that have attended them and they have been a great help.
Just remember that half of you is in that boy so with time he will come back xx