I think we have to keep believing. But this time in ourselves. I have spent so many years believing in him, willing him and supporting him to change. Why I’m not sure. I keep asking myself why I feel the need to keep fighting for or should I say against him to keep him and his love. When I really challenge myself I think about how I treat my loved ones and this includes him. The very thought of hurting him in anyway would devastate me as why would you wZnt to hurt the person you love? And in turn I then ask myself why does he hurt me? It’s not for love that’s for sure. At the moment I feel like I have very little control over anything in my life. My thoughts my feelings my broken heart and my bruised body but the one thing I do have control over is that I am a mother to my three beautiful girls and for them I cannot allow my love for him to continue. He’s hurting me which is hurting them and I will not allow him to hurt them in that way. I’m also thinking about how I would respond if one of my daughters were in this situation and my immediate thoughts are I would do very bad things to whomever dared to hurt my babies. If my poor parents knew of this they would be destroyed. If I lost my children as a result of not bring able to keep myself and them safe I don’t think I could live with myself and that is about all I can use to keep me away from this soul destroying man who I love! Not having him here is giving me time to breathe. It’s hard but my thoughts feel clearer and I’m less on edge. I’m a long way from where I want and need to be but at least right here right now he’s not hurting me and that feels good. There is nothing worse than dreading them coming threw the door and what mood they will be in next and the constant eggshells. If there is anyway you can leave or get him to stay away even just for a few days please try. You need to breathe x

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