#7037
Serenity
Participant

Foggy,

Yes, I thought too that our abusers sounded similar when I read something that you mentioned in your other post.

I was suddenly and cruelly discarded. Suddenly, my whole character was berated and ridiculed. Everything I loved and believed in was put down and criticised.

He started to look at me with hatred, pointing out facial imperfections and cruelly looking for grey hair ( when he left, I noticed a first, huge white hair on his head, lol!). I could feel the sudden discard in every inch of my body.

Apparently, according to him it had ‘been a bad marriage from the start’ and should have ended years ago, he knew he wanted to leave right years before ( but failed to tell me) etc etc…

Hmmmm… This was the man who had told me some months previously ( in a nice moment- or manipulative moment, whichever way you want to look at it) that he’d never loved anyone like he loved me, that I was the centre of his world, etc..

Truth is, I find and very much suspect, he was seen soon after leaving with a woman.

They rewrite history, and make you out to be the baddie to East their consciences, because someone has stroked their ego and they are too weak to give into the temptation and are unfaithful.

My ex (very much a mental abuser amongst other things ) was, I realise, hinting a few weeks before he left that he was having an affair or wanted to, and that I should turn a ‘blind eye.’

My ex, I realise, also wanted me to be the passive victim of ‘gilded cage’ abuse, to an extent. I had always worked, and he didn’t care of I worked long hours ( as long as he wasn’t left babysitting) or all night, as long as it was a job where he knew exactly where I was, and was not very well paid, I realise now so that I had no funds of my own ( he made sure I was at zero at the end of every month) and so I wouldn’t meet people he didn’t know or grow in confidence.

When I ‘disobeyed’ him by starting to train professionally for something, embarking on a course without asking his permission ( I did this course in addition to working, so my income didn’t drop, I just got exhausted) I think he began to feel scared. I think he felt I was growing in education, knowledge and power and he knew that he’d been hugely unkind to me for years- that my eyes would suddenly be opened, as they were ( I met lovely people in my job, people a lot kinder than him!).

I recall him trying to put me off going to interviews, and actually trying to sabotage big events in my work by upsetting me beforehand, hoping to make me a trembling mess!

I think my ex has small man syndrome. He is slightly built, and bigs himself up by bullying and manipulating people- me, his kids, his customers, his employees…

If he is with this other woman, I don’t think it will be long before she begins to feel hurt and shocked by his behaviour, or he begins to devalue her for not being perfect enough for him.

Good riddance to an arrogant idiot- who isn’t all he thinks he is! x*x

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