dear Marthmoo,
This is a challenging situation. I have to say I agree with Tamra and Falling sky. I have also travelled this road, but the good news is, although it’s a bumpy journey the end result is positive.
I also have a son and daughter, and like Tamra says, the treatment is different for each. My ex didn’t like my son at all, I see now he was threatened by him and tried to get him moved out of the house. He was a young teenager and also got ignored and told me that whenever my ex was around (not his father) he just wanted to stay in his room. He hated the way my ex treated me, and lost respect for me, whenever I took him back. It nearly ruined our relationship. But, I worked on it slowly and compromised and slowly but surely I got back our relationship. Since my ex has gone, the relationship with my son has gone from strength to strength. He is very supportive. I was honest with him and told him that he and his sister was more important to me than anyone and I have proved it. I just wish I had had the strength to do it sooner.
My daughter was different. She has special needs and my ex tried buying her off and getting her to side with him against me, which wasn’t nice for me, but he needed an ali, she took full advantage of his generosity, so good for her. She also didn’t like him though and just used him. Glad someone did though. She’s now being a preteen thinks she can be disrespectful to me and treat me like a second rate citizen at times, but I am being loving but being firm at the same time.
As far as their own father is concerned, both my children saw him for what he is, and choose to have no contact with him. I never stood in their way, when seeing him, but knew they would work it out for themselves. It took a while but it’s best. He made my life living hell in the process, but it just alienated his children from him.
Thinking of you MM, it will come right. It’s hard to think about what this might have done to our children. But you need to hang in there. Take back your place as their Mum, be supportive of what they have gone through too and give them a voice, show that you are listening, be loving and put them first.
Big hug xx

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