Oh my goodness, that sounds so much like mine. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if he’s a n********t, something I wish I could have spotted because I was brought up by one.

Trouble is, I only realised about my upbringing a few years ago, and I learnt strategies to stop being a n********t’s supply. Funnily enough I found myself using these strategies with him, but at the time I though it was because I was projecting my mother onto him.

Then I started to feel better (had s****y mental health for years), and decided to apply for a job – it would have been the first time I’d have had any kind of career since married. Then all of a sudden, he started to say things that similar to yours / I don’t fancy you, I never did. I have no idea why I married you. Understandably I was distraught, and then the next thing I know, he’s sorry, he didn’t mean it, it’s because he hates his job. Then without consulting me at all, he resigns and starts contracting – its a lot of money but it involves working away from home. Then all of a sudden I can’t work, because it’s not fair on our daughter to have two parents suddenly less available due to work, and I don’t need to work because we don’t need the money.

Funnily enough I felt as though I was living in a gilded cage, even though I wasn’t aware of it being a form of abuse or control. I felt huge guilt over feeling this way – I thought lots of women would happily swap with me.

Then I was showered in gifts, taken out, sex was regular, and little did I know this was the build up to a planned discard.

Im reeling. He suddenly thinks he doesn’t need to give me money. This has forced me to engage in the legal process less than a month after he discarded. I think our mediator thinks I’m deranged.

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