#7050
Maggie
Participant

Hi all.
Im feeling very lonely and confused, it was my choice to end the relationship, my life had changed so much, i wasnt allowed to go out, contact with family and friends, a phone or lap top, i could only work hours around him, he controlled my job via texts demanding me home, he bought plain underwear for me to wear when i was in work, i wasnt allowed to wear anything but his shirt in the house, wasnt allowed to have a bath on my own, go to bed on my own, if i did it was to try and defuse a arguement he would come into the bedroom and rip all the clothes off me leaving
Me naked on the bed for up to an hour(i wasnt allowed clothes in bed), meal times were so difficult, i would plate our food if he did actually come into the kitchen he would take half of my food off my plate telling me i was a fat c..t, every day he would call me a fat c..t or ugly c..t, i would be in tears, degraded, humiliated, other meal times consisted of him sitting on the sofa,i would be expected to take his meal to him, his cutlery abd juice, again when i sat next to him with a meal the usual comments would happen, despite my meals being considerably less, the violence was awful, he had me pinned to the floor as he attempted to strangle me, he would spit in my face, hold my face so tight i would have thick lips and bruises, he would raise his hand arm quickly to frighten me it was like living on eggshells, i would wake up to him screaming in my face, cold water over me and so much more, my emotions were on a constant rollacoaster one minute he would be telling me he loved me the next he hated me, back in october i attempted to take my own life i couldnt cope anymore it was my only way out of the bullying, the name calling and contant threats of hurting me, i also suffered massive finance loss, he would constantly be searching web site for cars, vans, tools, but he had no money in the past year he had only worked for 3months, but his demands for items were huge and if i didnt give in his moods were awful, he lost his job so many times through his anger and inabilty to be social to other people, my biggest regret was my lack of contact from my two children his jealousy was hard to handle he refered to my son a spoiled bas…..d and my daughter a scanky b***h, i wasnt allowed contact with them they werent allowed in the house, i got to the point where i didnt allow the children in the house i was frighten an argument would arise and he would hit them. I ensured i maintained contact but i would have to delete phone calls and texts as he checked my phone daily. I lost complete control ending up not knowing we i was, its been three weeks since he left we have had contact via text, but on both occasions he was hard showing no emotions, xmas eve the texts started at 9am he was awful i cried all day but i guess thats wanted he wanted to achieve,i know hes come to the house he was seen and i know hes tried to scare me by playimg games the windows which i now were closed were open when i got home, despite me changing the locks on the doors, life is really lonely im thankful for my children and my dogs but why do i miss him and cant stop crying xx
Sorry its a long post x

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