Hi New Wings

(Am I right in thinking you are an old forum user?)

They say that people treat you like rubbish because they believe they can. That you’ll take it.

You can’t control what others do or where they go. You can’t prevent your sister meeting your ex.

But you can choose who you allow into your life and space. You can choose how you spend the next 24 hours, the next ten years.

You don’t have to jump when your mother says jump. You dont have to call her when she demands.

You don’t have to invite your sister into your home if you feel she is untrustworthy or trying to keep you controlled to be a ‘good girl’ and be left to do all the work, merely to salve her conscience.

Let your sister and ex meet and talk their rubbish together until sunrise, if that is what the unkind pair want to do.

What you can do is write down a plan of action, which includes things to do for yourself, allocated times to see your mother and where ( in a place suited to you, not in your home if you don’t feel comfortable ) and don’t allow yourself to spend over this amount ; plan how to deal assertively with your mother and sister, what you will say in redline if they try to make you feel responsible or guilty.

Make a plan about the lovely things you want to do in the next years, And tell yourself that your new found independence and daring will ruffle feathers and cause your relatives to complain and accuse you of a,b and c, but that you won’t care, because you are living your life your way and are being the captain of your own ship. X

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