It’s ok don’t be so hard on yourself. You have enough if him doing that to you. Over the years there have been countless times I’ve wanted to leave and haven’t there have also been countless times I’ve left and gone back. You will do it when your ready but please know I really do know how hard it is. Mine has been emailing begging for forgiveness and giving all the promises under the sun of change. At one point I would have gone running to him straight away full of hope and joy that he really loves me, now I sit here feeling pretty sure it’s yet another tactic to take back his thrown in my house. It’s even harder when little ones are involved. The non stop abuse or threat of abuse is consuming, frightening and draining. Take whatever moments you can to be kind to yourself in anyway possible. Even if you have to wait until he’s at work to do so. I cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush one day whilst he was at work 😁 even though I was a complete wreck from him battering me the night before I was still able to giggle inside to myself whilst he stood in the bathroom brushing his teeth. I’m not proud to say I stooped to that level but when someone is taking everything from you every now and then it kept me going. Keep strong, chin up and tomorrow is a new day. Sending loads of hugs xxxx

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