Hi Scully,

He can give the excuse of PTSD, just as people give the excuse of alcohol, stress, etc as an excuse for abuse.

Thing is, he seems to be able to control it when he wants. I am afraid he fits the profile of an abuser- initial charm, idealisation, things moving too quickly, then the horrible devaluing of you, the repeated cycle, etc.

He has dreadful rage inside him, that is for sure, but he is putting your wellbeing at great risk, emotionally, mentally, physically…

Also, sad to say, abuse normally gets worse over time, not better. Abusers might change one tactic for another if they are called up on a specific type of abuse. He might not hit you anymore for a while, as he knows he will be found out and the police might act, but he will up the emotional or mental to compensate. And once he has crossed the line of physical abuse, there is a huge likelihood of it happening again.

For him to behave as he has done, he has some huge issues, but like all abusers, he must be guilty of a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, respect for other human beings, etc to carry on in that way- and yes, you may have called him a psycho, but who wouldn’t? Ignore his stories about his support group’s reaction: abusers are great at making people feel sorry for them and acting like the victim when they have been found out.

I am afraid that abusers very rarely change and abuse gets worse.

You sound at huge risk and if i were you, I would go all out to do things to protect yourself: move away, get an injunction, go no contact.

Please don’t feel sorry for him. Abusers pile on the guilt and obligation, and try to frighten you into staying with them or by pulling at your heartstrings.

He sounds like a very dangerous and highly manipulative individual. Put as much distance between you as you can, however difficult. X

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