#7122
Twisted Sister
Participant

Hello scully
You’ve been through a hellish time from what you’ve said and i think you are very strong for writing all that out here and trying to work out how to help yourself.

Being pushed away and pulled back in the way you have spoken of is so classic of them. taking their anger out on you, and you are so clear in how you see it all, but no it doesn’t make it any easier necessarily when faced with tears and him trying to use emotional blackmail/guilt to draw you back in again. You’re a decent human being and want to help, sadly you can’t, sadly he won’t stop.

There are many mothers on this forum with PTSD, they might have outbursts, but these sound like definite actions to intimidate and scare you into submission, there are lots of other clues in the way he speaks of his actions, and in trying to gain sympathy from his group to somehow make his actions ok, is very wrong and his group is giving him support to abuse if this is the case.

One day whenever that is, each of us has/will realise it won’t stop or its just too terrifying/dangerous to stay around for the next outburst. I think they are careful not to overstep the line, wherever that line is, and isn’t it always the case that staying is more about feeling guilt to them, trying to help them, not upsetting them, being scared of them, rather than helping ourselves, listening to ourselves and keeping ourselves safe, or expecting any happiness for ourselves?

mine drew me in by flattery and charm and deep sensitivity! because of everyone ‘I’ understood his black moods, and accepted him for who he was.. never mind that it f’ed me up completely, that didn’t matter to him (or me).

You do matter, your feelings are no less important. If your ex is struggling to manage the children alone, use that as your leverage to get out if that helps? Thinking about your children and their needs, far above his (because he’s an adult) which are damaging to you.

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