#7217
foggyhere
Participant

Thank you, that really helps

He’s done me a favour by leaving, and in such a manner that it prompted the professionals who are helping me to probe into the relationship. So I’ve not had to come to this realisation that it is abuse by staying in the relationship until it got to an intolerable level. Nor have I had to pluck up the courage to leave – this abuse is invisible to the outside world, me leaving would look as though I’ve abandoned a perfect marriage for my own selfish reasons

I never really saw it whilst I was in the relationship. Yes, he did at times really hurt me, but he was always able to give a reason why, and that reason was never him.

Also, everything wrong in our lives was my fault. Now I see it isn’t all my fault – some of it was part my fault, and the rest was no one’s fault, just life.

But I’ve spent nearly half my life with this man. For our whole marriage, nearly a decade, I’ve believed I’m a terrible wife with a very understanding and tolerant husband, and nearly every day I’d tell him how lucky I was to have him, and that I loved him very much.

That cognitive dissonance is so hard to overcome. I know he isn’t who I thought he was. But then I wonder if I changed him by being awful.

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