MarthaMoo, what you are experiencing is probably typical of sexual contact in an abusive relationship, it is certainly identical to what I go through and I particulalry relate to the fact that your body responds to the sex but when this happens, i feel sick and out of control. I feel that I am being disloyal to myself and satisfying his own ego when I orgasm (sorry if too much info) but as KIP says, my head isnt always able to control how my body responds although when I know I am not going to orgasm, I fake one just to get the act over quickly. I also try switch my mind off who I am having sex with my fantasising, not about anyone in particular but that i dream I am with someone who loves and cherishes me.
Sex to an abuser is just that and that as his wife, you are a sexual being to satisfy his needs with little regard for your feelings. Myne too is constantly groping me, he asks for a cuddle but immediately his hands are drawn to my breast and bottom. Even in bed, he has to rest his hand on my bottom, even placing them down my pyjama bottoms, if I protest, i am boring or dont love him enough, you cannot win but it is totally exhausting. I am pressured to play act/dress up in the bedroom which degrades me but i do it to keep the peace. There is no enjoyment on my part but leaves me distressed and feeling dirty. Everything on my marriage is controlled by him even our sex life.
You asked when normal behaviour stops and the abuse starts and I am unsure of the answer as I think there was always an element of control there but I just didnt realise. When you start a relationship with someone, i think it is partly expected that the done thing is to have lots of sex however most normal people would accept that the honeymoon period doesnt last forever but perhaps an abuser doesnt think so and expects his own way all of the time. It was probably only when he began being really cruel with me calling me frigid, boring, fat etc that I realised things werent quite right and i started to look at the other aspects of our relationship. I am still with my husband and working on leaving him but am really struggling. He is extremely insecure and seems to be clinging on to me for dear life.

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