Hi Mixed-Up Mum,

I am sending you a huge hug. I am sorry for your loss.

At times like this, it is the most natural thing in the world for you to want closeness and empathy.

The truth is, as you say, he would have been even more unsupportive if he were around, because it wouldn’t have been about him.

I lost both grandparents in the space of a few months. He chose this time to be as clinical and unsupportive as possible.

Thank the heavens that he isn’t around to complicate your grief. Losing a parent is a huge loss.

In this transitionary phase, when you are coming out of abuse, you may not have built up many confidantes/ much of a support network ( after all, abusers monopolise everything) and you are still healing, and trying to find your strength and inner peace at the best of times. For this to happen now use be so difficult for you.

Take extra good care of yourself these coming weeks. Take it easy and pamper yourself- not all pampering needs to cost money. An extra long bath, an usual book from the library, an early night with a hot chocolate.

Give yourself that special care that that nasty and selfish man would never give you.

You will come out of this a stringer and wiser person. You already are. You will find warmth and connection in places you don’t expect. And maybe one day you will find someone worthy of you.

I am sure all the women here join me in giving you a mass hug (((((( ))))))))


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