Oh karma, all you are going through and feeling is so typical of the previously abused,
it is hard to find our voice, our true voice about how we feel, or think when we have had no true voice because of having to give the right or safest answer for so long, or if our answers have been given by others for us for so long.
making decision is another common struggle to remaster, one I still struggle with now.
I feel that he has done a right job on removing your confidence in yourself, and that is where you need to start I feel,
You know what has happened, and his words to the contrary are feigned and false, when you are right, you are right, your decision is your decision, don’t feel that others may disapprove of you, because if they had walked in your steps,then how could they.
I thought I must be some freak because I saw things so different from others,
Now I understand and I am glad they don’t see things as I do, They are innocent to the horrors that I know are real.
Try not to over-ruminate your decisions, and cut yourself off from if only’s and what if’s.
We’re you a reliable creature of habit? Because if we are responsible and loyal our movements do tend to become predictable or is there so sinister tracking involved?
Living as you have with your movements being monitored it is understandable that your feel as you do and despite where you are it will take contestant reassurance for you to ‘feel safe’
I lived looking over my shoulder and it makes you feel as you are feeling,
Please hang in there, and don’t feel alone with all this,
Sending you strength and love and a big hug too,
Trust your judgement, don’t let others make you doubt yourself, even the courts repeated get it wrong, you know what it has been like for you, don’t internalise it all, it’s more shake it out, than shake it off
In time others will see it too, but in time it won’t matter to you that they have then because you knew it all along.
X x x

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