mixed-up mum

Hi Serenity – and THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading my post and for taking the time to reply to me.

Yes I know if we’d of still been together he would indeed have managed to make it all about him!!!

And I know he was never able JUST to have a cuddle and leave it at that – he took advantage of ANY physical contact he got from me – he could never just be there for me, cuddle me and comfort me and leave it at that – oh no he saw an opportunity and he’d take his chance to push for ‘more’ – how cold, uncaring, and heartless could he be……

Just when I was starting to feel a bit stronger – I lose my dad – we had a difficult relationship in my teens, I found it hard to forgive him for breaking up my parents marriage and for moving in his ‘bit on the side’ right away – but when I married and had my own family he then decided to be a part of our lives once again – we were never really saw much of each other until I left my abuser and then we became closer, and then when he knew he was ill, and he was not going to get better – we then spent a lot of time together – at the end of the day the past was in the past – he was my flesh and blood – and I was there with him to the end.

I do have a few good friends who have been there for me – but they all have their own families and lives and they can’t be there for me all the time – at the end of the day I’m alone in that bed and I just want to feel loved and feel secure.
I don’t want him back, I will NEVER take him back – but I just want to feel that I have someone who cares about me and is here for me and will hold me and cuddle me and NOT ask for nor expect anything more…..

I wonder if I can ever be loved again, and I wonder if I will be able to love again….. I hope so…..

I will go for now – try and get some sleep – but thank you so much for your support and for the cuddle – means a lot 🙂

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