Moon,
Please do not be sorry. We all understand how hard it is and I’m sure many of us regrettably have done the same. He is still on your head, as he will continue to be for a while, and is doing everything he can to trap you again.
Please go no contact and do not listen to or fall for your lies. Do not let him take hold again or things will get worse.
Things are extremely tough for you right now but you have us and sarc and people at the refuge. We will get you through this. You will not regret leaving him. You have done the best thing for you and your baby.
I know the future seems very far off but in a years time where would you like to be? I doubt very much that you’re answer is ‘being abused’ but if he succeeds in enticing you back in you will be and it will be worse. But if you muster strength and go no contact and follow this through you will be well on your road to recovery. Take this strength from wherever you can and do not look back. We are here and will support you all the way x