mixed-up mum


I did not plan my exit – one day I just knew this was the day – and I had to get us out of there, it had taken me in the teens of years to finally pluck up courage to leave him.

I waited until he had gone to the shop – then I locked and baracaded all the doors – I put it all the lights and waited for him to come back – there was shouting and swearing and banging on doors and windows, but I’d made the first move – I’d finally done it and now there was NO going back!!!!

I was excited – nervous – and yes terrified at what I had now started – but I HAD TO do it this time!!!!

After a while he got back in the car and drove off – now I got the suitcasrs down out the loft and I told the kids to take their clothes, and anything that was really important to them – things they had a keeping on and did not want to leave behind. I did not know if he was ever going to let me back in so we had to take only the most important things – certain documents eg birth certificates, bank books. Family credit papers, house papers etc.
PLUS by now ( I had been planning to leave for years just did not know when I’d finally have the courage to do it!!) I’d squirreled away money in different hiding places in the house.

I then rang my local Women’s Aid, and left a garbled message to say I WAS finally leaving him!!!!

He came back, more shouting and yelling and banging on doors and windows – I told the kids NOT to let him in no matter what he said – and he did try and get our son to let him in – but he didn’t – I did not enter into any conversation with him no matter what he said and eventually he gave up and left again – I then started to get phonecalls from his father – I did not pick up – but he left 14 very angry abusive threatening messages – it was at this point I rang my mam to come over and get us – she had no idea I’d finally done it – she had wanted me to leave him for years – so she came and got us ( I took the house keys so I could get back in) and we were away with all that we could carry in 3 suitcases and a few black bags. Only things that were really important – and things I knew I would need for our new lives – things that could be replaced did not matter – that would come eventually.

He did not know we were leaving him – all he knew was he was locked out – so he did not return that night – and when I came back the next day ( I took with me a good friend an neighbour to act as witness should he try anything) he arrived at the same time as me – he was so stunned he just sat there and said not one word I think cos I had my friend for protection and as witness.

I took some bedding and towels, and equipment I needed for my work, and some photos of the children when the were small and then I left.

I’d done it Is finally left him – me and the kids were homeless – but free at long last!!!!

We lived with me mam for two weeks and then a good friend let us stay in an empty house she owned. We are there for 9 mths before we finally got a council house – we are so lucky to get it and that was the start of our new lives.

I did not take any furniture That was only things and even if I could not get back in for it – then it could be replaced – all of what I have now is stuff I’ve gathered bit by bit – its all second hand but its all mine – and if he wanted to fight and argue with me over furniture – then he was welcome to it – its only things at the end of the day….

Don’t you feel in the least bit guilty – you are doing this for you and your son – to be free finally….

He may well change the locks – mine did ( egged on by his nasty father!!) But it was only done out of anger in a pathetic attempt to ‘ get back’ at me and hurt me – houses are bricks and mortar – furniture is just things – if he wants it let him have it – you are free now and THAT’S what matters most!!!!

He will be devastated you have finally stood up to him and had the courage to leave – because that will mean he can no longer controlling you – but DONT feel sorry for him you owe him nothing don’t try and explain things to him – you don’t even owe him an explanation!!!

You will NEVER convince him HE has done anything wrong – so don’t even bother trying!!!!

As for your dog is there no good friends or family who will take him – just until you can get things sorted???

I’m sure your son will settle down in to your new life soon – once you are free and have your new home and are safe then he will start to calm down – it will take time (maybe as long as a year or more) but you will be happy again and you will makenew lives for yourselves.

Good luck with it all – you have done it – you have got this far – well done you!!!!

Lots of love and luck, mixed-up mum x*x

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