Twisted Sister

its weird what you say about that public persona in comparison, as i recall people saying to me the way he spoke to them of being so perfect. He spoke like a text-book and he sold me on that too… a new man, and certainly an involved loving father, who would be considering the needs of children and mother.

btw i didn’t think you wrote it wrong (intense) just confused about intensity on one hand and detachment on other hand, and everything stopped making sense after meeting him.

Spouting about how he would never hit a woman (I don’t know why because i never thought to ask him when we first met). Yet i ended up terrorised, and he never so much as touched my pregnant belly, didn’t want pregnancies wanted abortion. How i wish i’d gone it alone back then.

I am lost in fear now. Fear eats up my life, and court is to blame for that aswell, and friends who betrayed my trust, until i trusted noone. i look back at the demise of it all now with as much horror as the relationship. Oh god when will it stop. i’m not sure it will ever get better even though the anxiety is much much lower than at first, this awful fear continues. I know him too well.

when the children wouldn’t be with him if they were ill. how if any of us are less than on form, how angry it makes him, if we can’t perform. I only just realised i’m still not over the tidying, the feeling dirty, hiding nasty dirty secrets all so dingey and seedy.

I am sorry to hear where this all led you too, i remember about you missing your daughter’s wedding, and i think even now that i am already resigned to that possibility. Good that you can talk about it now from a place of distance and safety.

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