#7664
mixed-up mum
Participant

Hi Serenity – thank for your message and sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you.

Well I didn’t hear back from the school yesterday, and my ex did not ring me last night and I did not ring him either – so I have no idea of what is actually going to happen tonight….

My son and me just don’t want him there tonight, how can he suddenly decide after not attending a parents night in years to suddenly fly in like ‘Super Dad’!!!!

He’s not doing this because he genuinely cares and is interested – no – he’s doing this to annoy me and to make himself look good as a parent at the same time.

When I have asked him for back-up and support in the past he has chosen to do nothing, preferring to be a ‘friend’ to our son – rather than a FATHER to him.
I have asked on a few occasions that he talks to our son re his behaviour/attitude/language and his bedtime -ie getting off of Xbox at a reasonable hour and getting some sleep.
But he said he “didn’t want to fall out with him” – so instead of stepping up to support me and be a real parent, he decided to say and do nothing!!
So then I’m left to deal with it on my own – which makes ME look like the ‘bad parent’ who nags him to do things – and all I get in return is him talking-back to me giving me ‘attitude’ all the time and refusing to do what I ask.
I’m sick and tired of the total lack of respect my son has for me (and indeed his sister too) the way he talks to us – he can hardly say a civil word to us.

So in the one instance I am a single parent, having to try and discipline him by my self, with no back-up or support from his father, and then all of a sudden (when it suits HIM) he decides he wants to take an active role as a parent and go to parents night!!!

Well that’s the thing – when you are a parent its a full time job – 24/7 – you can’t just decide to pick and choose when you want to be a parent!!!!

It’s always the same the resident parent gets all the work to do – all the cooking, washing, tidying up after them and all the discipline to do – while the absent parent gets to see them once a week for a few hours and go out for tea or to the Pics – the absent parent does not have to deal with the attitude and lack of respect – he does not talk to hid father like he talks to me!!!

Sorry to go on about this – but I’m just so worried and wound up about the whole thing.

I just wish I knew where I stand – is he going to be there tonight or not, and has the school actually spoken to him and told him he can’t attend with us.

It should be school policy that separated parents do not attended parents night together – UNLESS it is specifically requested that they WANT TO attend together.
This should be made quite clear when a couple separate – and especially so in cases of DA/DV.
I should not have to sit there in his company unless I have chosen to do so, and I am comfortable with the situation.

The emphasis should be on the school to deal with this situation should it arise – and I should not be made to look like I am being unfair to him by not wanting him to attend.

So I await to hear from the school or him as to what is taking place tonight, for the moment there is nothing I can do – must go to work now – but thank you all for your kind words of support and your advice.

x*x

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