White Rose

You’ll be exhausted if you do all the running around and it will compromise your younger child’s life too. From what you’ve said before it sounds as if your eldest is old enough to go to dad’s under his own steam it’s just difficult. What’s wrong with his dad collecting him after work and you pick up? Or vice versa – though might be best that way otherwise maybe he won’t bring him back!
If his dad can’t get him then it’s him who needs to sort it not you. I don’t think you’d be a bad mum for saying that to him. Your eldest needs to know the world doesn’t revolve around him and that we all make compromises (easier said than done I know!)
When my daughter was in contact with her dad I ended up doing 90% of ferrying between us as he was always “doing something” or she’d ring to say her dad had gone out and wouldn’t be back till late so could I pick up as she wanted to come home. It drove me bonkers and I ended up saying if he wanted her to go than he had to collect or arrange alternative transport to get her to his house. It was 2 buses and a fair walk either end, largely due to a hopeless bus service as wasn’t a huge distance! It did work for a while then he upset her and she’s refused to see him since.
How about a different approach …..”I can take you to your dads on days a or b this week, or I could pick you up on days x and y. Next week I can do…… etc. Can you check its ok for dad to do the other journey, or perhaps you could get the bus there and I’ll pick you up at….?” It probably won’t work because your ex will see it as you controlling him but your son might buy it!
Good luck. You are a good mum and a great support

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